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 Mga gitik-gitik

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brendonval
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PostSubject: Mga gitik-gitik   Tue Feb 26, 2008 4:09 pm

Engish Visayan Translation:
English: My teacher in English is beatiful. Isn't she...?
Translation: Ang akong maestra sa Ingles gwapa. Wa s'ya kuyapi...?

Ilonggo, gi-picture-ran...
Naay usa ka Hilonggo nga nangihi sa pader. Unya kalit lamang nga mi-kidlat..

ILONGGO: Sus Ginoo, indi mo gid tani ipa-develop kay mahuya takon... Pisot pako 'ya...!

Diyos daw...
Convicted: Father, forgive me for I have sinned
P: Sabihin mo lahat ng kasalanan mo anak.
C: Father, pinapatay ko ang lahat ng naniniwala sa diyos.
Kayo po ba Father naniniwala doon?
P: Sino..? Ako...? Hindi ah...!


KAWATAN...
Naay usa ka kawatan nga mikatkat sa atop sa balay , kay didto s'ya mo-agi sa iyang pagpangawat... Apan naay nakabantay, unya misinggit:

MGA TAWO: "Pagbantay mo kay naay kawatan nga nikatkat sa inyong atop...! Labaya ninyo ug bato...!"
KAWATAN: "Dili ko kawatan, ASWANG ko..."
MGA TAWO: "Ahh, aswang diay..., patya na lang ninyo...!"
KAWATAN: "Ay, dili diay ko aswang..., KAWATAN diay ko..."

FREE MEMBERSHIP: for the couples who doesn't have children...
Most of the newly wed couples are automatically having their first baby after nine (9) months from their wedding day, but most of them have delivered their first baby right after few months from being married. Hehehe, normal na man gud daw nang' buntis daan bago magpakasal. But what if kanang couples nga nagpakasal nga dili buntis, abnormal diay na...? There are also some cases that the couples doesn't have any children after getting married for how many years... For this reason, here comes the FREE MEMBERSHIP:

Sa mga mag-asawang walang anak ---- WISE GUY (walay sulod ang lagay)
Sa mga may anak na -------------------- NICE GUY (naay sulod ang lagay)

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA ..... "corny noh...?"

_________________
"tell me who your friends are and I will tell you mine" .. para daghan tah ug malingaw!
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oderes
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PostSubject: Re: Mga gitik-gitik   Sun Mar 02, 2008 4:36 am

Subject: Do You Know Dan Torres of Bikol?

Si Danilo "Dan" Torres, isang Bicolano, nagpunta sa US para mag TNT.

Pumasok sya ng convenience store para bumili ng yosi.
Pagdating sa counter, sabi ng cashier, "MASTER? VISA?"

Namutla si Dan! Sa isip-isip nya "Patay! Hinahanap ang visa ko!"

Dali-daling lumabas ng tindahan, sumakay ng kotse at humarurot ng takbo.

Paubos na ang gasolina nya kaya pumasok sa gas station at magpapakarga ng gasolina.
"Unleaded?" tanong ng gasoline attendant. "Unleaded" sagot ni Dan.

"Pay first." sabi ng attendant. Lalong namutla si Dan! "Patay! Hinahanapan ako ng papers!"
Iniwan nya ang kotse at dali-daling naglakad papunta sa phonebooth upang
tawagan ang kapatid n'yang nasa New York .

"AT&T May I help you?" sagot ng operator.
Pinagpawisan ng malamig si Dan! "Pati operator alam na TNT ako!"

May nakapilang pulis na gagamit din ng telepono at tanong sa kanya... " Are you done?"
Napatitig na lang si Dan sa pulis! "Kilala niya ako? Alam niyang DAN ang pangalan ko!,

sa isip-isip nya."
Nang di makasagot si Dan, tinanong uli sya ng pulis, "Are you a tourist?"
Nanghina si Dan dahil pati apelyido niyang Torres ay alam din ng pulis!
At nang hihimatayin na sya, inalalayan sya ng pulis at sabi "Be cool!"
"Inang ko po! Alam din nyang taga Bicol ako! WAAAHHHH! Uuwi na lang ako sa 'pinas!"

Moral op da istori:
Wag kang mag ti-TNT sa istets!
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oderes
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PostSubject: Re: Mga gitik-gitik   Sun Mar 02, 2008 9:31 am

ABA NAMAN GLORIA



Special Prayer 4
Gloria Macapagal
Arroyo:


Aba Naman
GLORIA Puno Ka
Na ng GRASYA!
Ang YAMAN ng
BANSA Ay
SUMAIYO Na.
Sa HUSAY ni
GARCI Naging
Pekeng PANGULO
Ka! Bukod Kang
MANDARAYA sa
Babaeng lahat.
pinagpala ring
MANGURAK0T,AS
AWA M0'T
ANAK,kayat wala
ng natira sa
AMEN!
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albularyo
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PostSubject: Re: Mga gitik-gitik   Wed Mar 05, 2008 7:20 pm

pwede patabang ninyo? Unsa eninglis ani...
"Ikapila nga presidente si Manuel L. Quezon?"

palihug lang ko pm sa tubag or ari lng dre...
Razz
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brendonval
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PostSubject: Re: Mga gitik-gitik   Wed Mar 05, 2008 7:23 pm

@albularyo,

beh? unsa man? sirit.

_________________
"tell me who your friends are and I will tell you mine" .. para daghan tah ug malingaw!
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twistedfly
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PostSubject: Re: Mga gitik-gitik   Thu Mar 06, 2008 6:31 am

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.... study Sleep katulgon man ta maghuna-huna. bwahahahah
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albularyo
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PostSubject: Re: Mga gitik-gitik   Thu Mar 06, 2008 7:30 am

patabang gani ko kay wa sad ko kahibaw..hahahaha
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celskor
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PostSubject: Re: Mga gitik-gitik   Sat Mar 08, 2008 9:33 pm

Husband (hubog pagka-gabii): Darling, atong CR ba mora'g gi-abat.
Wife: Ngano man?
Husband: Kay kada abli nako sa door, musiga ang suga.
Wife: ANIMAL ka! Ikaw diay nangihi sa pridyeder!!

******************** ******************** *******

Tikya: Dad, ganahan gyud ka sa akong boyfriend?
Dad: Dato ba siya?
Tikya: Pareho gyud mong mga lalake no? Mao pud na ang iyang gipangutana about nimo!!

******************** ******************** *******
Prayer before meals in Bisaya:
"Ginoo namong Dyos, blis dis food, ako fod, siya fod,
sila fod, aron ang pagkaon ma-afod-afod ug ang sud-an
mapa-igo fod hangtud among ngipon mafodfod."

******************** ******************** *******

Traffic cop examining license of Tikya:

CITOM: Mao ni tunay nga retrato, claro ang mga kunot. Di pareho anang ubang babaye ga paritoke.
Tikya: Bugalbogalon. Ako man nang thumbmark.

******************** ******************** *******

Dili na kinahanglan nga magpakabitoon ka pa aron
maila. Sakto na nga usa ikaw ka aninipot basta gasiga kanunay
ang lubot.

******************** ******************** *******

Mga Bisaya'y di ko maintindihan:
Inglis nang isda -- pis; nang mukha -- pis; nang pandikit -- pis; nang
kapayapaan -- pis; tinanong pa ako kung saan ako nakatera -- Pis I or Pis II.

******************** ******************** *******

Lawyer examining witness on a vehicle accident:
Where were you sitting when the impact came?
Court interpreter to witness: Asa ka man
naglingkod sa pag-abot sa impacto?

******************** ******************** *******
Asawa: Hon, bisan taas na imong edad, nakapaanak pa ka.
Bana: Super engine gud ni!!!
Asawa: Ipa check-up na.
Bana: Ngano man?
Asawa: Itom kaayong bata. Smoke belching ka!

******************** ******************** *******

Anak: Unsay iskalator, tay?
Tatay: Hagdan saka kanaog.
Anak: Kanang elevator?
Tatay: Kahon sakyan pasaka kanaog.
Anak: Calculator, tay?
Tatay: Kana, wa pa ko kasakay.

******************** ******************** *******

Himatyon nga bana: Day, Inig ka matay nako, minyo-i baya si Pedro ha?
Asawa: Ngano man imong kong paminyo-on ni Pedro nga imong man siyang kontra?
Bana: Aron mag-antos sab siya ug makabalos na gyud ko.

******************** ******************** ********

Ang gatas sa mga babaye?
1. Dalagita - fresh milk
2. Dalaga - pasteurised
3. Bagong kasal - skimmed
4. Matagal nang kasal - yogurt
5. Matandang dalaga - taho
6. Lola - tokwa

joke joke joke lol!
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rey
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PostSubject: Re: Mga gitik-gitik   Sun Mar 09, 2008 10:14 am

hahaha! LOL! makalingaw ni dah.
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PostSubject: Re: Mga gitik-gitik   Sun Mar 09, 2008 4:30 pm

Unsay kasagaran isulti kung mangutot ang tawo..!!!!
AMERICAN : EXCUSE ME
BRITISH : PARDON ME
PINOY : NOT ME Laughing Laughing Laughing

RUSSIAN: Kami ang unang nakaadto sa space
USA : Kami ang unang nakaadto sa moon
ERAP: Kami usab ang una sa sun
USA : oi dili ka makaadto masusunog ka
ERAP: oi dili mi buang, moadto mi gabii....!!!!!!!!


Last edited by oderes on Tue Mar 11, 2008 5:30 am; edited 1 time in total
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PostSubject: Re: Mga gitik-gitik   Sun Mar 09, 2008 11:37 pm

Itlog og iti:
anak: mama mama dili nako mokaun og itlog kay manimaho ko og iti ingon atong silingan
mama: motoo man ka nila na botbot mana
anak: tinood no na mama
mama: so og mukaon ka og itlog manimaho ka og iti,so kaon nalang iti para maniho ka og itlog



Bisaya to english:
PEDRO;bay Juan,onsay english sa IRO nga naligsan?
JUAN: IRO nga naligsan?kowan bay,DOG-MOK
PEDRO:sa iring nga naligsan bay?
JUAN:CAT-TAG
PEDRO:sa baboy nga naligsan unsa man sad?
JUAN:e di PIG-SAT



GINAMOS:
Nay lalaking gi gutom og usa ka peso ra ang iyang kwarta.Busa nangita sya og baratong pagkaon nga mapalit sa peso.Og naka kita sa ya og tindahan namaligya og ginamos
Lalaki-Nang,tagpila mana ang imong ginamos?
Tindira-lahi lahi man ni sila og presyo dong.And GINAMAY kay tag 5.00pesos.Og ang GIPUSIL kay tag 3.00pesos og ang GITU-OK KAY TAG 1.00PESO.
Lalaki-nang,unsa mana ang ginamay?
Tindira-Ginamos na may kamay
Lalaki-Unsa man sad ang gipusil?
Tindira-Ginamos gipos-an og sili
lalaki-Unsa man sad na ang GITU-OK?
Tindira-Ginamos nga gitong-tongan og ok-ok lol! lol!
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oderes
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PostSubject: Re: Mga gitik-gitik   Mon Mar 10, 2008 4:45 pm

Street Vendor : Relo mo diha...!!!! Relo mo diha gold plated'..!!!!
Kon moputi....!!!!! white gold.....!!!!!!
Kon mohunong pag stopwatch!....!!!!!!!

gf : hu hu hu hu Nganong gihimo man ni nato..? dili nako Virgin ug kaduha pa gyod nato gibuhat...!!!!!!!

bf : Unya...??? kausa nalang ha...!!!!!
gf : Ngano man diay...!!!!! dili naka mousab......!!!!!!!!
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PostSubject: Re: Mga gitik-gitik   Tue Mar 11, 2008 5:27 am

ANG MARRIED LIFE....
May usa ka intsik nga sobrang ganahan kaayo ug kanta2x ug karaoke nabuntagan gud naabotan ug alas 5 am.
Tungod sa kahadlok sa asawa kasab-an, nag-text ng:
"AYAW NALANG PAGBAYAD UG RANSOM KAY NAKAIKYAS AKO"'

Lamia sa nursery window;
Friend: Pare, pag dako sa imong anak, siguro ko maayo pud siyang mo drive,
Dad: Ngano man diay pare, dako ba ug kamot.?
Friend: Dili man pare, kay liwat man gud sa driver ninyo...!
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PostSubject: Re: Mga gitik-gitik   Tue Mar 11, 2008 3:38 pm

Friend: 'Wow, pare, nindot kaayo ka ug sapatos ah..!!!
Husband: 'Oo nga.. Surprise gift sa kumare mo..!
Friend: 'Surprise...????? Unsay occassion pre....?
Husband: 'Wala...!!!! Nakita lang nako sa ilalom sa higdaanan namo gabii....!!!!! hehehehe

WIFE: Basta nagpasidaan ko nimo..!!!! omaabutay ang bana nako usa ka oras gikan karon..!
HANDSOME VISITOR: Ngano, man diay wala naman akong gibuhat nga dili maayo ah..?
WIFE: Mao gani kon duna kay nahunahunaan buhata na dayon ok...!!!!
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kinshi
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PostSubject: Re: Mga gitik-gitik   Tue Mar 18, 2008 12:28 pm

***PHONE RINGS!! LITTLE GIRL PICKS IT UP***
> "Hello?"
>
> "Hi, honey, this is Daddy" .... "Is your Mommy near the phone?"
>
> "No, Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Frank,"
>
> After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But you haven't got an Uncle
Frank, honey!"
>
> "Oh Yes, I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now!"
> "Uh, Okay, then ... here's what I want you do. Put down the phone,
run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy and Uncle
Frank that Daddy's car just pulled up outside the house."
>
> "Okay, Daddy!"
>
> A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the phone.
>
> "Well, I did what you said, Daddy."
> "And what happened?" he asks.
> "Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on
and ran around screaming, then she tripped over the rug and went flying out
the front window and now she's all dead."
>
> "Oh my God!!!!! And what about your Uncle Frank?"
> "He jumped out of bed with no clothes on too and he was all scared
and he jumped out the back window into the swimming pool, but he must have
forgot that last week you took out all the water to clean it, so he hit the bottom
> of the swimming pool and now he's all real dead too."
>
> ***long pause***
>
> ***more pause****
>
> Then Daddy says, "Swimming pool????"......"Is this 555-7039?" scratch
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PostSubject: Re: Mga gitik-gitik   Tue Apr 08, 2008 11:21 pm

Wi du da seym ting:

US NAVY-(chewing bubble gum) in United States those four sided parts
of the bread are not eaten.
FILIPINA-Why???
US NAVY-Well,We put it in a recycle bin and make biscuits from it and
send it to the Philippines.
FILIPINA-(medyo naasar) ahhh!!..wi du da seym ting!!(we do
the same thing)..
US NAVY-really??How??
FILIPINA-In the PHILIPPINES We do not throw USED CONDOMS.
US NAVY-Hah???Why?????
FILIPINA-We make bubble gums from those,and send it to
United States.
US NAVY-PWAAAAA!!!!(sabay luwa ng bubble gum).
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PostSubject: Re: Mga gitik-gitik   Wed Apr 09, 2008 3:15 pm

MANANG.

M1: My son is a priest, everyone calls him Father.

M2: Mine is a cardinal, everyone calls him you Eminence.

M3: My son is a NUDE DANCER, everyone says "Oh my GOD".



Wish I could hold you today, wish I could
press my lips against yours, wish I could slide my fingers down to your body,
wish I could taste you. oh! I can't wait for another bottle of COKE!.
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PostSubject: Re: Mga gitik-gitik   Thu Apr 10, 2008 1:51 pm

Bana: Kuyawa sa akong damgo love. Gabitay ko sa
pangpang, kupot ra ko sa sagbot.
Asawa: Buang ka! Mao diayg pwerteng sakita akong
bolbol imong gibira-bira gabie!

2 ka prostitute.
P1: tungod sa kalisod karon nuh, P5 pesos ako na lang
dawaton kada sex.
P2: Ah, ako gain blowjob free na lang masudlan lang
ako tiyan! Laughing

Apo : Lola, attend ako tipar ha.
Lola: Unsa ng tipar bah?
Apo : Tipar gud party bah, sa binali..
Lola: Puro sturya istambay! Mga PS mo tanan!
Apo : Unsa ng PS la?
Lola: Pakeng shet! cheers
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PostSubject: Re: Mga gitik-gitik   Sun Apr 20, 2008 8:34 am

lol lol!
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PostSubject: Re: Mga gitik-gitik   Sun Apr 20, 2008 9:59 am

KODIGO!!!!!

Nahuling may kodigo ang estudyante.

Guro: Ano ito?

Estudyante: Prayer ko po mam!

Guro: At bakit answers ang nakasulat?

Estudyante: Naku! Sinagot na ang prayers ko! Twisted Evil



ALIMASAG!!!!!

Nakaamoy si ngongo ng pabango sa isang store.

Sabi ni ngongo, "Ale, mango!"

Sabi naman ng saleslady, "Pabango yan, hindi alimango!"

Ulit ni ngongo, "Ale, mango!"

Nag-agawan si ngongo at ang saleslady sa pabango.

Nahulog ang pabango at nabasag.

Sabi ni ngongo, "Ale, masag!" rabbit
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PostSubject: Re: Mga gitik-gitik   Thu Feb 26, 2009 8:43 am

Usa ka adlaw sa Ospital......

Husband: day, usa gani mahitabo human sa operasyon, ayaw intawon pasagdi ang mga bata ha?

Wife: Hoy, talawan! 'way namatay sa tuli oy!
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PostSubject: Re: Mga gitik-gitik   Thu Feb 26, 2009 8:53 am

Nag-abot sa gangha-an sa langit si Tambok og Da-ot...

San Pedro : Unsay imong namatyan Tambok?

Tambok : Naabtan nako ang akong asawa sa among kwarto nga nakighilawas sa laing lalaki, pero sa pagpasiga nako sa suga kalit kaayong nakadagan ang lalaki. Sa akong kalagot akong gi-alsa ang among aparador unya gilabay nako sa bintana, ug gi-ataki ko sa kasing-kasing.

San Pedro : Ikaw Da-ot, unsay imong namatyan?

Da-ot : Didto ko sulod sa aparador
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PostSubject: Re: Mga gitik-gitik   Thu Feb 26, 2009 9:40 pm

DAD: anak bili mo ako softdrink

ANAK : coke o pepsi?

DAD : coke

ANAK: diet o regular?

DAD: regular

ANAK: bote o can?

DAD: bote

ANAK: 8 oz o litro?

DAD: punyeta! tubig nalang

ANAK: natural o mineral?

DAD: mineral

ANAK: bugnaw o dili

DAD: lambusan taman k aning silhig karon

ANAK: lanot o tukog

DAD: animal man cguro k!

ANAK: baka o baboy?

DAD: layas!

ANAK: karon o ugma?

DAD: karon na!

ANAK: imo ko ihatud o dli?

DAD: patyon tka ron.....

ANAK: tuk-on o pusilon?

DAD: giatake sa kasing kasing......ah ah ah......tabang anak!

dad-a ko ......

ANAK: hospital o morge?
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PostSubject: Re: Mga gitik-gitik   Thu Feb 26, 2009 9:42 pm

You are on the bus when you suddenly realize .. you need to fart.

The music is really loud, so you time your farts with the beat. After

a couple of songs, you start to feel better as you approach your stop.

As you are leaving the bus, people are really staring you down, and

that's when you remember: you've been listening to your ipod.
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PostSubject: Re: Mga gitik-gitik   Today at 12:08 pm

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