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 Jokes gikan sa emails

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Reed
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PostSubject: Jokes gikan sa emails   Wed May 21, 2008 10:38 am

Ari natu e-suwat ang mga nagkada-iyang mga katawnan gikan sa atong mga emails. Daghan kaayu mga tawo nga magforward anang mga kataw-anan.
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes gikan sa emails   Wed May 21, 2008 10:41 am

kani sauna na ni, pero malingaw pod ta if makabasa..

> Consul: Your name, please?
> Arabo: Abdul Aziz!
> Consul: Sex?
> Arabo: Six times a week.
> Consul: I mean, male or female?
> Arabo: both male and female sometimes even camel.
> Consul: Oh my, holy cow!
> Arabao: Yes, cows and dogs too!
> Consul: Man, isn't that hostile?
> Arabo: Hostile, dogstyle any style!
> Consul: Oh dear!
> Arabo: Deer? No deer! They run fast!
=================================

Suwat gikan sa inahan sa probensya, pero for sure dili ni taga Naga..eheh..

> Dear Dodong,
>
> Sa sunod bah, Carnation Non-fat Milk lang ang
> ipadala kay nagkalibanga imong Tatay sa Nivea Moisturizing Milk.
> Daghang Salamat..
>
> Nanay

==================================
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
BED TALK..
Boy: “is this your first time?”
Girl: (angrily) “ Oo naman noh! You guys talaga always asking me the same question!

Lalake: Dong, mabaw ning suba?
Bata: Oo nong!
Lalake: (nilukso sa suba) Pisti tabang! Kalalum, ingon ka dong mabaw!
Bata: Mabaw bitaw nong nitabok gani ang itik ganina!

Joe: Pre, kada gabii ko sige kuhiton sa akong misis. Unsay akong himoon?
Ned: Ka ok ra ana pre! Unsa may problema nimo?
Joe: Hadlok ko, tulo na cya ka tuig namatay!

Teacher: Unsay angay buhaton pag maglinog?
Pupil: Mag suga sir!
Teacher: Ha! Ngano man?
Pupil: Nag linog sa amo payag kada gabii sir, pag siga nako sa suga mo undang dayon!

Apo: naunsa man ka lo? Nag lipstick man ka, kampat pa jud!
Lolo: ha! ? Buang man diay tu imo lola, wa man magsulti nga gi regla diay!

Doc: What happened to your ears?
Pedro Namlantsa man gud ko doc, then ni ring ang telepono, pagtubag nako, ang plantsa ang akong nagunitan instead sa phone.
Doc: Why both ears man?
Pedro: Ang boang nitawag ug balik!

Nanay: Bogo jud kayo ka oi! 1-10 dili ka ka ihap ug tiwas!
Anak: Mas bogo si Tatay nay..
Nanay: Kay ngano man aber?
Anak: Ako cya nadungan kausa nga ni ingon cya “ Di na ko day kutob ra tulo ako ma kaya!”

Girl 1: Peste! Ikiha jud tu naku ako boss kay gihagkan ako buhok!
Girl 2: Buhok ra man kaha nganu imo paman ikiha?
Girl 1: Haleeerr! Unano baya tu akong boss nuh! Ha!

Dear Dodong,

Sa sunod bah, Carnation Non-fat Milk lang ang ipadala kay nagkalibanga imong Tatay sa Nivea Moisturizing Milk. Daghang Salamat..

Nanay

In 1994 USC Nursing students distributed condoms to Ugoy residents in the Mountain of Minglanilla for birth control.. yesterday lang…
Nisulat ang usa nako..”pwede naba ni tangtangon!?’ Unsa man pwede na?

Manag uyab nag rubo sa sinehan…
BF: hala dear ang akong class ring nahibilin sa sud!
GF: ha! Kuotag balik (after 30 mins)
GF: nakuha na?
BF: Oo pero, nganu ECE mani nga Nursing manko!

Interbyu ng Consul ang isang Arabo sa US Embassy…

Consul: Your name, please?
Arabo: Abdul Aziz!
Consul: Sex?
Arabo: Six times a week.
Consul: I mean, male or female?
Arabo: both male and female sometimes even camel.
Consul: Oh my, holy cow!
Arabao: Yes, cows and dogs too!
Consul: Man, isn’t that hostile?
Arabo: Hostile, dogstyle any style!
Consul: Oh dear!
Arabo: Deer? No deer! They run fast!

Lolo: Jhonny kuhaa akong kape
Apo: Lo, jenny po
Lolo: Jhonny palihug ko sa kutchara
Apo: Lo, Jenny po
Lolo: Punyeta ka Jhonny, ayaw pag sige ug binayot dha!

Prosti and Bombay.. mag sex
Bombay: “Ok, I pay you double, but we do it Indian style” Prosti agrees. After sex, prosti ask.
Prosti: “So what is the Indian style?
Bombay: “ 90 days to pay!”

In the court…
Abogada: (holding the thingy of a 70yr old client) Look your honor uh, Luyat na kayo!
Kaya pa ba niya mang rape:
Oldman: (whispering) ayaw lang pislit-pislita mam bacin mapildi tah!

Dying husband…. Love I have something to tell you
Wife: Pls don’t speak, just rest
Husaband: No, before I die I must confess, I had sex with your sis and your bestfriend
Wife: Sssshhh.. I know that is why I poisoned you!

Nun: Mother superior, I’ve been raped by 5 men!
Sister: Dios mio! Eat this CALAMANSI fruit!
Nun: Will this help me calm down?
Sister: Gaga! Amaw para ma wala nang imong katawa sa nawong!

Anak: Daddy, ngano sige man ga-agulo si Mommy kada gabie?
Daddy: Wala lang nak happy lang siya..
Anak: Mao bah? Imo buot pasabot kada gabie cya happy bisag katong naa paka SAUDI!

Ang mga bugo…
Bugo1: Pre, 2+2 kuno beh?
Bugo2: Kana lang? Eh di 5!
Bugo1: Bwahahahaaa! !
Bugo2: Ngano nikatawa man ka?
Bugo1: Wala lang abi nako wala ka kabalo!

Pa ngilngiggay gamit ug Samurai:
Indian: Waaah! Langaw patay!
Hapon: Wata! Langaw putol ulo!
Pinoy: wata ( Langaw milupad ghapon)
Hapon: Oi! Ngano lupad man ghapon na?
Pinoy: Aw patyon diay? Abe nako tuli-on lang!

News Flash Report!
2 ka bayot..nag jogging sa plaza gi rape!

Pagka ugma…
Ang plaza nagubot…
Trapik kayo…

Kay 1000 ka bayot..nag jogging!!!


Studyante nasakpan may kodigo
Teacher: unsa ni?
Student: prayer nako mam!
Teacher: unya nganong answers man ang nakasulat?
Student: hala! Gitubag ang akong prayer mam!

Pasyente: Dok, malala po b sakit ko?
Doktor: nanunood ka b ng bituing walang ning2?
Pasyente: opo pero ano koneksyon nun?
Doktor: Sayang di mo na kse matapos

3 nuns talking…
1st nun: 1 saw a box of condom at father’s room
2nd nun: don’t wori, I put a hole on each condom so it wont b effective
3rd nun: collapsed

Wife: Inday, aalis na ako. Pakainin mo si kuya mo bago siya pumasok.
Inday: Opo mam
Inday: (super excited) Sir, kainin mo raw muna ako bago mo ipasok

Juan: Kamusta exam bai?
Pedro: pangit, wa koy naanseran! Blank paper ra akong gisubmit!
Juan: Na, ako pud blank paper, unsaon na ni? Dili kaha ta masakpan ani abi nalang nila nagkinopyahay ta!

A sexy reporter was interviewing Erap, pag upo pa lang, pinisil ni Erap ang boobs ng
Reporter..

Reporter: Bakit mo pinisil boob ko?
Erap: Kasi may nakalagay Press

Husband: you know what dear, if you are only good in cooking we can save P1,000 sa maid
Wife: sweetheart if you are only good in bed, we can also save P2,000 sa driver!

Pulis: Namukhaan mo ba ang nangrape sa yo?
Girl: Hindi po
Pulis: Bakit?
Girl: Kase po nag 69 muna kami , tapos nag dog style na agad. Di na po kami Nagkatinginan!

A ship sank..2 sailors adrift..
Sailor 1: Lord, palahubog mi, mga sugarol, botakal nya daghan mi mga kabit. If you
Save us Lord we promise to ..
Sailor 2: Taymsa! Ayaw sa promise naa ko nakit-an na island!

Cabinet member: Mr. President our population growth rate is very alarming, there is 1
Woman giving birth every minute!
Erap: We have to stop this and look for that woman!

Parrot shouted to three nuns passing by, “ Blue, black, red” the nuns were amazed because those were the colors of their panties.
The second day the parrot shouted..” Yellow, white, green” Parrot got the correct colors of their panties yet again!
On the third day, the nuns decided not to put on panties..The parrot got confused but quickly recovered and yelled, “ KULOT, UBANON, OPAW!

Teacher: “Euthanasia is an act of mercy killing..Pedro, use euthanasia in a sentence?
Pedro: Ma’am, Maria is no longer a virgin because..na Euthanasia!

In a call center..
Kano: Hello? Is this Texas Technology Company Makati?
Lady operator: Come again sir?
Kano: Is this T.T. Co Makati?
Lady Operator: Eh di kamutin mo! Gago!

2 ka amiga hubog sa bar. Paguli, niagi sa cemetery. Nangalibang ang duha. Ang usa gigamit ang panty para itrapo ug gilabay; ug ang usa, nakakitag wreth sa lubong ug maoy gitrapo.
Pagkabuntag, ang ilang bana nagkita…
Bitoy: Pre, bantayan nato ang atong mga misis, ang ako nipauli kagabii wa nay panty.
Berting: Ang ako mas grabe pre dunay card nipilit sa iyang lobot nga nag-ingon, “well never forget you, from all the guys at the Fire Dept.!”

Two gays saw a dog licking it’s own thingy…
Gay 1: Sana magawa ko din yun!
Gay 2 Try mo! Mukha namang mabait ung aso eh!

Son: Tay kasab-an ko ako maestro ganina!
Tatay: Ha! Ngano man?
Son: Ako gi kiss-san ako seatmate ganina!
Tatay: ‘tong anak ko, liwat jud nako dah! He,he,he nya lami bah?
Son: Opo tay, gwapo kayo siya!

Tungang gabie, Hot kayo si misis, hawop2 nya ilong ni mister, gi gitik ang li-og,
Dala pamarayeg nga hung2 sa dungan, “love wala na koy panty”. Tubag ni mister
“Ha! Cge lang, tulog na diha kay ugma palitan tika!”

Maid: Sir, ito po ang brief na naiwan mo sa kama ko…
Sir: Huwag kang maingay, baka marinig ng ma’am moh
Maid: Hindi! Tulog pa yon sa kwarto ng DRIVER!

Pedro bumps a foreigner. ….

Pedro: ay sorry
Foreigner: Sorry 2.
Pedro: sorry 3!
Foreigner: What are you sorry 4?
Pedro: sori 5!
Foreigner: I think you are sick!
Pedro: Bwahahaa sick kuno! Bugo ay, six oi!

At the sex Shop…

Girl: Excuse me, were can I find the vibrators?
Clerk: Sa wall po nakadisplay ma’am
Girl: Ok I’ll buy that big red one.
Clerk: Ay bruha! Fire Extinguisher yan!

Boy1: Bakit bad trip ka?
Boy2: Tampo sa akin utol ko!
Boy1: Bakit naman?
Boy2: Nakalimutan ko birthday niya!
Boy1: Yun lang! Ano masama dun?
Boy2: Twins kami!

Guy: Atty, gusto ko mag ilis ug name.
Atty: Ngano man? Unsa diay name nimo?
Guy: Jograd putig-tae
Atty: bitaw bati-a jud, unsa gusto nimo name iilis?
Guy: Caloy putig-tae (bwahaaaha)

Mama: Anak dili ka manguyab sa mga dalaga ning baryoha ha kay puro imong paryente.
Anak: O ma!
Mama: O ngano tutok man ka sa baka?
Anak: Mama sad oy hasta baka akong paryente?

Schoolgirl: I don’t want to take the Sex Education Class!
Teacher: why not?
Schoolgirl: someone told me the Final Exam would be oral!

Miss: mao tu ako mga sala padre, hinaut pasayloon ko sa Ginoo
Pari: ayaw kaguol anak, gipasaylo kana. Pero istoryahi ko usab bahin adtong blowjob ug
69!

Titser: Juan, use DOES in a sentence….
Juan: Maam, the carabao doesmag the tree!
Titser: What? What?
Juan: Matabang nimo ug “huwat” nga nadasmag na!

Customer: Waiter! Kadugay gud sa akong order, pila man diay ang cook ninyo dire?
Waiter: Ay sir wala man mi coke dinhi, pipsi laang! Pipsi!

Asawa: boang ka! Bayot ka man diay! Diha na ka!
Bana: Love, asa man ka?
Asawa: mulakaw ko! Mangita ko’g laki!
Bana: duhaa lab ha tag usa ta!

Juan: Isaag ra gud ning iring, ilabay sa layu
Pedro: Oki!
Juan: O, ngano na gab-hian man ka lagi?
Pedro: Litseng iringa na! Kng wala ko nisunod sa iyaha di ko kauli! Bweset!

Pare1: Ganiha rako tuyok2 waman jud nangagda kaon, fiesta man unta, mayka diha
Nangikki naka!
Pare2: Na pre, ug wapa nako daginuta akong kiki nakuyapan nako!

Mam: Kung wala naka’y usa ka dungan, ma unsa man ka?
Bata: mo hinay akong pag dungog!
Mam: Kung duha ka dungan?
Bata: ma buta ko!
Mam: Ha! Ngano man?
Bata: matagak akong eyeglass!
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes gikan sa emails   Wed May 21, 2008 10:57 am

JUST 4 FUN...

The nun teaching Sunday School was speaking to her class one morning
and
she asked the question, "When you die and go to Heaven...which part of
your body goes first?"
Suzy raised her hand and said, "I think it's your hands."
"Why do you think it's your hands, Suzy?
Suzy replied, "Because when you pray, you hold your hands together in
front of you and God just takes your hands first."
"What a wonderful answer!" the nun said.
Little Johnny raised his hand and said, "Sister, I think it's your
feet."
The nun looked at him with the strangest look on her face. "Now,
Little
Johnny, why do you think it would be your feet?"
Little Johnny said, "Well, I walked into Mommy and Daddy's bedroom the
other night Mommy had her legs straight up in the air and she was
saying,
"Oh ! God, I'm coming!"
"If Dad hadn't pinned her down, we'd have lost her."

The Nun fainted....
Very Happy
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Reed
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes gikan sa emails   Wed May 21, 2008 4:18 pm

wahaha lol! sakit akong tiyan sege katawa. sege pa post pa mo.. jocolor
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes gikan sa emails   Today at 12:07 pm

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